Nagi's Blog

Time to Visit Katie

2011-09-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

I'm ready to go!

I've decided that it is time to go see Katie. She has all my favorite stuff with her. I still want to get the rest of my bags back!

So, I've come up with a plan. I've made friends with the mailman, I have a shipping box, and I've packed some snacks for the trip.

Just a couple of small problems left to solve. I need someone to write "Deliver to Katie" in large letters on the box.

Currently, Dad says that the word 'Amazon' is printed on the side. I'm not sure I want to go there. According to Nagipedia the Amazon is either a big river (I so not want to get wet), or it's a burly, fighter woman (that doesn't sound like Katie). Maybe I'll mail Stinky to the Amazon, and he can try to beg treats from her. (Just look at the picture I posted! He's behind me begging! He begs more than Oliver Twist!)

Hey! How am I supposed to close this?

The other problem is that I need somebody to close up the box. I'd ask Stinky, but he'd just get the tape stuck all over him. While that may be something fun to do for a while, it doesn't get me closer to my girl!

I'll have to ask the mailman tomorrow, maybe he can do it.

Robbed!

2011-09-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

I have to keep the few I have left safe!

I've been Robbed!
Someone has stolen some of my special carrying bags. You know those bags that my servants sometimes use to carry me around the house? Well, I've counted them and two of them are missing!

Dad says that Katie took them up to school with her at SNHU. I suppose that is possible. I haven't seen her around for a few days, and most of the stuff that I like to sleep on is missing.

I said that we had to travel right back up there and get them back. But, Dad didn't think it was such a good idea. He said that they had Cougars up there.

I google'd Cougar, and now I really didn't understand what he was talking about. Those old women (some of them were even older than Poot) wouldn't want me... or Dad for that matter. I told Dad and he said that was the wrong type of cougar. We need to have some kind of online source to get to the right definition for all these things. I guess I better set one up. I'll call it Nagipedia!

Best Toy Ever

2007-07-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

Dad gave me the best toy ever today!
He "dropped" a green bean, but it was pretty obvious that he just wanted me to have a special treat.
I can't believe how fun this thing is.
I'll have to find a good place to hide it from Stinky, we can't have him playing with my green bean.
Dad says that I can eat it, but I think he's just joking. How could anyone eat something this fun?

Noga!

2007-06-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

I've determined that people seeking spiritual enlightenment can be easily swayed by some Ancient Far Eastern Practice, that I just made up.
I will rapidly spread the teachings of Nagi Yoga, or more simply Noga.
The practice is very simple.
First, contort your body into any position that is amazingly uncomfortable.
Second, chant nonsense noise and affect a demeanor of serene complacency.
Third, have all your followers bring you a fresh fish (preferably with the head still on... I like that part).

I've taken this practice to heart, and I've gotten Stinky to pose in some pretty ridiculous positions "to achieve his inner Stink!" He'll fall for anything. He hasn't figured out that I'm ragging on him yet. Just look at this picture.

Just remember that the true secret to inner harmony with the universe is to keep the Noga Guru stocked with plenty of fresh fish!.

I am Not Happy!

2007-04-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

For the last few days I've been putting on a big act. I've been going to the doors and windows and crying my most pitiful cry. I've been trying to tell Mom and Dad that I want to go outside. When the crocodile tears didn't work, I tried scratching at the door (that usually works for Katie's room). Still, they didn't let me out. They kept giving me some lame excuse about the last time I got lost for four days. That wasn't my fault, somehow Stinky is to blame for that, and as soon as I figure out how, I'm gonna smack him for it.
I kept up my routine anyway. Usually after a few days of me asking for something continually day and night, they give in. I get lots of bakery goods that way.
Instead, this time Dad came home with a monstronsity. He calls it a harness. I call it a device of torture. He strapped it on me, hooked it to a dog leash, and carried me outside.
Then, he stood there with me! How am I supposed to do adventurous things with a 6' cord that leads straight to Dad.
Trapped like a Dog! How revolting.
I might as well go back inside.
I decided to use his jacket as a scratching post as a proper thank you.

Major Product Endorsement

2007-04-08T04:55:00.000-07:00

Dad has finally found the cord for the Camera so that I can update my blog. I've had to wait for months for him to do this. He keeps giving me some lame excuse about being at work for 14 hours a day. That still leaves 10 hours to do my bidding. Plenty of time.

After my failed attempt at political endorsement, I have decided that product endorsement is the way to go. I will be sending a bill to Krispy Kreme Donuts for my obvious endorsement earlier in this blog. Payment will be expected in donuts... the ones with the creme in them... maybe a whole dozen.

My next endorsement will be for Lloyds Barbeque Chicken. It comes in a big tub and it's all shredded up. I just have to wait for Mom to turn her back for a minute, and it's all mine. This is the spot where I'll say how wonderful it is, and earn that great big endorsement fee.

"It Tastes Like Chicken!" - Nagi

Now if that isn't a glowing endorsement, I'm not sure what is. I'll expect my own personalized tub to be delivered immediately. If you deliver 2 tubs, then I'll allow you to print my endorsement on the package.

Once you deliver the tubs, I want to talk to you about this idea I have for Barbeque Shredded Mouse. I think it would really take off.

Mom Bought Me a New Collar

2006-12-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

Mom bought me a new collar with a big bow, a bell, and a shiny rhinestone on it. She says that it makes me look pretty.

I think it sucks! Rhinestones? Rhinestones? Where are the diamonds?

Back from my Wilderness Adventure

2006-12-13T12:04:00.000-08:00

Dad hasn't been feeling too well. Poot says that it's the flu. But, I don't believe her, all he does is lie on the bed making funny sounds, I haven't seen him fly anywhere. The whole point, however, is that he hasn't been paying enough attention to me.

So I decided to get his attention today by doing those thing that always seems to work... like clawing the curtains, climbing the doorframes, and smacking Stinky around. (OK... I did the last one just for fun!).

Well, when Dad opened up the door to shake out the bath mat that I had made a huge mess on, I rushed outside.

Imagine my shock and amazement when he didn't immediately sprint outside to retrieve me. He later claimed some incomprehensible nonsense about wanting to put on shoes and more than pajamas. Ridiculous.

So I decided that I would teach him a lesson, I would wander far away, exploring. He would miss me in the weeks and months that I would be gone and would rejoice at my return.

After many weeks of travel, and far too many adventures to mention here, I started to miss my food bowl. So I started the arduous journey back to the house, stopping only once to roll in mud along the way, just so I'd look more pitiful upon my return. Upon arrival, Dad was waiting outside for me. He scooped me up, brought me in, and started to wash the mud from me. I complained bitterly. "Can't that wait till after I eat? It's been days!" He ignored my demands and cleaned off most of the mud. I started to regret that decision.

Finally he relented and I shot straight for the food bowl. I had to made three trips before I was satiated. Stinky and Bobo kept coming over to check on me, saying I was eating too much. I swatted them away, they didn't know the ordeal I endured.

Dad says I was only gone for an hour and half, but I don't believe him.

Nagi Nogg!

2006-11-20T16:13:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite times of year. This is the time that Mom and Dad buy lots of goodies. So many that they don't always notice when a few are missing. Dad put a healthy dose of Pusser's Rum into a glass of egg nog, then wandered away for a few seconds. Boy was he sorry. I got in quite a few good slurps during that time. If Stinky hadn't jumped up on the table to see what I was doing, I'd probably would have been able to finish it before Dad noticed.

I love Egg Nog with lots of Rum!!!

I helped clean out the closet

2006-11-11T17:25:00.000-08:00

Today Mom and Dad decided to clean out the food closet. Since it seemed likely that I would find something good to eat during this process, I decided to help.

I would carefully search the shelves for packages that were outdated or contained things I just didn't like. Once I found one of these items, I would push it off the shelf to my waiting assistant below... Bobo.

It was Bobo's job to pick up the item and deposit it in the trash bag. This, however, seemed to be beyond his mental capacity. He would either try to eat the item or he would try to shoot it, soccer-like, under the fridge.

It's very hard to find good help.

On a positive note, I did manage to find a few cake mixes that looked very interesting.

I think it's time for someone to teach Katie how to make cupcakes... starting with the French Vanilla mix.

Lies! It's all Lies!!

2006-10-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

Someone has been posting these obviously false images of myself... with Stinky!

It is obviously some horrible smear campaign against my character.

It was probably launched by Poot for some perceived offence. Well, her plan is doomed to failure.

The above picture is has obviously been photo-shopped! Someone took a picture of me and digitally inserted a picture of Stinky into it.

Fortunately, I have managed to track down the original... unedited... picture. One that I am sure will vindicate my reputation. I am reproducing it below.

It's a Happy Holloween

2006-10-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

It's time for tricks! I managed to toilet paper Stinky by telling him it was a mummy costume. He thinks he's gonna get alot of treats with this get up.

And here I am waiting for him to walk by so that I can egg him! Dad wouldn't let me into the fridge to use real eggs, but I found these hidden under Katie's bed from last Easter, and they smell really bad.

Political Endorsement

2006-10-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

Election day is coming. I haven't paid much attention to the political process, but I heard Dad discussing something about "Lame Ducks" and "Pork-Barrel". Well, I'm all for getting a limping, flightless bird in the house... or for that matter a pail of porkchops.
I figured that since I have a blog that must be read by millions... and required reading for most civilized countries... my endorsement must be worth a lot... A fish, at the very least.
So the next canidate that arrived at our doorstep I investigated thoroughly. After considerable sniffing I determined that he carried neither a crippled mallard nor a KFC sized bucket of bacon.
He did, however, give Stinky a new fridge magnet... thus, I'm sure, earning his vote.
So, I'll copy the link to this guys page off of Stinky's magnet votetoste.com And after he delivers my fish... I'll go and read it... maybe.

Proof of the Inferior Species

2006-10-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

This is proof that Stinky is of an Inferior Species. Not only does he not possess thumbs, he also likes cornbread. I could understand donuts or angelfood cake, high confections worthy of a princess. Cornbread is only suited for the masses.
I shall have to taunt him from within the Stinky Smaker about this.

The Spider

2006-10-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Mom woudn't allow me to get the spider in Sean's window. Now, Dad won't let me go outside to get this one living on the kitchen stairs. It's almost the size of my paw! I want to bring it in an play with it, but they won't let me. Talk about oppression!

Mom Bought Me a Stinky Smacker

2006-10-10T16:37:00.000-07:00

The gray cat with the stupid look on his face is called "Stinky". The name fits.
Mom went shopping today and bought me a semi-mobile fortress. Within it's safe confines I can lie in wait until Stinky walks by. Then, just at the right moment... I can reach over the protective wall, smack him right on the head, and duck back behind it's covering. It's hours of fun.

Laundry Day

2006-10-08T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Laundry Day. That's the day that the humans leave large piles of clean clothes, warm and fresh from the dryer, in a convenient sleeping basket for me.
They are however, quite fickle. After obviously leaving fresh and comfortable bedding for me, they will invariably try to get me out of the basket.
I will never understand humans.

Finally... Decent Beer

2006-10-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

You basically have to complain until you are blue in the face to get anything around here. It took awhile, but I finally got some real beer.... mmmm Guinness Stout! Yummy!

Let's see here. The can says that it's 16 ounces. That's one pound. I weight 8 pounds. One serving equals 1/8th of my body mass. Sounds good to me!

Kanpai!

How to get a Donut

2006-10-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

Wecome to my instructional seminar on How to get a Donut... without Dad taking it away from you. This will be the first in a series of instructional blog entries that will help all those other felines who find themselves in need of a confectionary bakery product.

Step 1: When Dad has is back turned, leap up onto the table and sit down on the box as hard as possible. You want to make sure you feel the donuts squish under your weight. If they are not squashed, you can not proceed to step 2. Repeat step 1 as often as necessary in order to get the proper amount of squishiness. In researching this entry it took two tries.

Step 2: When Dad opens the box of donuts to check just how squishy you managed to make them... dive into the box as fast as you can. Make sure you shed in a nice even layer covering the entire contents of the box with your fur. I'd recommend laying on the specific pastry that you desired. Some rolling around may be required in order to get complete coverage.

Step 3: If you have correctly accomplished steps 1 and 2... Dad will now throw up his hands in disgust and leave the room. Thus leaving all the donuts to you.

Bon Appitite!

Nap Time

2006-10-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

I'm too sleepy to write my blog today. I think I'll just take a nap.

Real Beer Please

2006-10-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

What does it take to get a decent beer around here. All these humans buy is cheap suds that aren't worth pouring into my litter box.

Two Days for a Piece of Cake!

2006-10-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

It has taken two days, and multiple attempts, to get the stupid humans to realize that I wanted a piece of angelfood cake.
All subtleness aside, I finally had to toss the cake package onto the floor and try to gnaw the plastic open with my teeth. Then... they finally got it.
I was then given an obviously inferior sized piece and had to repeat the process in order to achieve a reasonable size slice.

Welcome to My Blog

2006-10-03T16:10:00.000-07:00

The name that the stupid humans that feed me call me is Nagisa Hime. At least they got the princess part right.

I decided to start this blog so that the world can trully appreciate the suffering I endure at the hands of these stupid humans. I speak as clearly and plainly to these people, but I might was well be talking to a doorknob. They just don't get it.