Mom Bought Me a New Collar

Mom bought me a new collar with a big bow, a bell, and a shiny rhinestone on it. She says that it makes me look pretty.

I think it sucks! Rhinestones? Rhinestones? Where are the diamonds?

Back from my Wilderness Adventure

Dad hasn't been feeling too well. Poot says that it's the flu. But, I don't believe her, all he does is lie on the bed making funny sounds, I haven't seen him fly anywhere. The whole point, however, is that he hasn't been paying enough attention to me.

So I decided to get his attention today by doing those thing that always seems to work... like clawing the curtains, climbing the doorframes, and smacking Stinky around. (OK... I did the last one just for fun!).

Well, when Dad opened up the door to shake out the bath mat that I had made a huge mess on, I rushed outside.

Imagine my shock and amazement when he didn't immediately sprint outside to retrieve me. He later claimed some incomprehensible nonsense about wanting to put on shoes and more than pajamas. Ridiculous.

So I decided that I would teach him a lesson, I would wander far away, exploring. He would miss me in the weeks and months that I would be gone and would rejoice at my return.

After many weeks of travel, and far too many adventures to mention here, I started to miss my food bowl. So I started the arduous journey back to the house, stopping only once to roll in mud along the way, just so I'd look more pitiful upon my return. Upon arrival, Dad was waiting outside for me. He scooped me up, brought me in, and started to wash the mud from me. I complained bitterly. "Can't that wait till after I eat? It's been days!" He ignored my demands and cleaned off most of the mud. I started to regret that decision.

Finally he relented and I shot straight for the food bowl. I had to made three trips before I was satiated. Stinky and Bobo kept coming over to check on me, saying I was eating too much. I swatted them away, they didn't know the ordeal I endured.

Dad says I was only gone for an hour and half, but I don't believe him.

Nagi Nogg!

This is one of my favorite times of year. This is the time that Mom and Dad buy lots of goodies. So many that they don't always notice when a few are missing. Dad put a healthy dose of Pusser's Rum into a glass of egg nog, then wandered away for a few seconds. Boy was he sorry. I got in quite a few good slurps during that time. If Stinky hadn't jumped up on the table to see what I was doing, I'd probably would have been able to finish it before Dad noticed.






I love Egg Nog with lots of Rum!!!

I helped clean out the closet

Today Mom and Dad decided to clean out the food closet. Since it seemed likely that I would find something good to eat during this process, I decided to help.

I would carefully search the shelves for packages that were outdated or contained things I just didn't like. Once I found one of these items, I would push it off the shelf to my waiting assistant below... Bobo.

It was Bobo's job to pick up the item and deposit it in the trash bag. This, however, seemed to be beyond his mental capacity. He would either try to eat the item or he would try to shoot it, soccer-like, under the fridge.

It's very hard to find good help.

On a positive note, I did manage to find a few cake mixes that looked very interesting.

I think it's time for someone to teach Katie how to make cupcakes... starting with the French Vanilla mix.

Lies! It's all Lies!!

Someone has been posting these obviously false images of myself... with Stinky!

It is obviously some horrible smear campaign against my character.

It was probably launched by Poot for some perceived offence. Well, her plan is doomed to failure.

The above picture is has obviously been photo-shopped! Someone took a picture of me and digitally inserted a picture of Stinky into it.

Fortunately, I have managed to track down the original... unedited... picture. One that I am sure will vindicate my reputation. I am reproducing it below.

It's a Happy Holloween

It's time for tricks! I managed to toilet paper Stinky by telling him it was a mummy costume. He thinks he's gonna get alot of treats with this get up.




And here I am waiting for him to walk by so that I can egg him! Dad wouldn't let me into the fridge to use real eggs, but I found these hidden under Katie's bed from last Easter, and they smell really bad.

Political Endorsement

Election day is coming. I haven't paid much attention to the political process, but I heard Dad discussing something about "Lame Ducks" and "Pork-Barrel". Well, I'm all for getting a limping, flightless bird in the house... or for that matter a pail of porkchops.
I figured that since I have a blog that must be read by millions... and required reading for most civilized countries... my endorsement must be worth a lot... A fish, at the very least.
So the next canidate that arrived at our doorstep I investigated thoroughly. After considerable sniffing I determined that he carried neither a crippled mallard nor a KFC sized bucket of bacon.
He did, however, give Stinky a new fridge magnet... thus, I'm sure, earning his vote.
So, I'll copy the link to this guys page off of Stinky's magnet votetoste.com And after he delivers my fish... I'll go and read it... maybe.

Proof of the Inferior Species

This is proof that Stinky is of an Inferior Species. Not only does he not possess thumbs, he also likes cornbread. I could understand donuts or angelfood cake, high confections worthy of a princess. Cornbread is only suited for the masses.
I shall have to taunt him from within the Stinky Smaker about this. 

The Spider

Mom woudn't allow me to get the spider in Sean's window. Now, Dad won't let me go outside to get this one living on the kitchen stairs. It's almost the size of my paw! I want to bring it in an play with it, but they won't let me. Talk about oppression!

Mom Bought Me a Stinky Smacker

The gray cat with the stupid look on his face is called "Stinky". The name fits.
Mom went shopping today and bought me a semi-mobile fortress. Within it's safe confines I can lie in wait until Stinky walks by. Then, just at the right moment... I can reach over the protective wall, smack him right on the head, and duck back behind it's covering. It's hours of fun.

Laundry Day

Today is Laundry Day. That's the day that the humans leave large piles of clean clothes, warm and fresh from the dryer, in a convenient sleeping basket for me.
They are however, quite fickle. After obviously leaving fresh and comfortable bedding for me, they will invariably try to get me out of the basket.
I will never understand humans.

Finally... Decent Beer

You basically have to complain until you are blue in the face to get anything around here. It took awhile, but I finally got some real beer.... mmmm Guinness Stout! Yummy!

Let's see here. The can says that it's 16 ounces. That's one pound. I weight 8 pounds. One serving equals 1/8th of my body mass. Sounds good to me!

Kanpai!

How to get a Donut

Wecome to my instructional seminar on How to get a Donut... without Dad taking it away from you. This will be the first in a series of instructional blog entries that will help all those other felines who find themselves in need of a confectionary bakery product.

Step 1: When Dad has is back turned, leap up onto the table and sit down on the box as hard as possible. You want to make sure you feel the donuts squish under your weight. If they are not squashed, you can not proceed to step 2. Repeat step 1 as often as necessary in order to get the proper amount of squishiness. In researching this entry it took two tries.





Step 2: When Dad opens the box of donuts to check just how squishy you managed to make them... dive into the box as fast as you can. Make sure you shed in a nice even layer covering the entire contents of the box with your fur. I'd recommend laying on the specific pastry that you desired. Some rolling around may be required in order to get complete coverage.







Step 3: If you have correctly accomplished steps 1 and 2... Dad will now throw up his hands in disgust and leave the room. Thus leaving all the donuts to you.

Bon Appitite!

Nap Time

I'm too sleepy to write my blog today. I think I'll just take a nap.

Real Beer Please

What does it take to get a decent beer around here. All these humans buy is cheap suds that aren't worth pouring into my litter box. 

Two Days for a Piece of Cake!

It has taken two days, and multiple attempts, to get the stupid humans to realize that I wanted a piece of angelfood cake.
All subtleness aside, I finally had to toss the cake package onto the floor and try to gnaw the plastic open with my teeth. Then... they finally got it.
I was then given an obviously inferior sized piece and had to repeat the process in order to achieve a reasonable size slice.

Welcome to My Blog

The name that the stupid humans that feed me call me is Nagisa Hime. At least they got the princess part right.

I decided to start this blog so that the world can trully appreciate the suffering I endure at the hands of these stupid humans. I speak as clearly and plainly to these people, but I might was well be talking to a doorknob. They just don't get it.